The Price of That Freedom

Is panic. And worry. For the duration of just under three weeks. Always a bonus.

Naturally it is (hopefully) completely unfounded. I, however, have always been a worrier. Condoms and birth control have always gone together. I am not an either or girl. That's just not how I play.

It's incredible the emotion and the truth that comes out of shared moments of realization, followed by reality and panic.

Lying in bed afterwards, head resting on his chest, we talked. About our values, and beliefs and thoughts on things like foster kids, families, adoption, and abortion. We talked about religion and where it fit for our own lives. We talked about what we wanted in life, and what we didn't want.

Propping myself up to look at him as we talked he surprised me.

"I will always be here for you. I will always take care of you. You know I'm going to marry you someday right... ?"

There is something comforting in hearing that the person you love would be essentially willing to sacrifice some of their own ambitions to be a true partner for you. There is also something that is terrifying in knowing that someone else is willing to make that sacrifice, I would never want him to feel obligated to do anything, ever. But saying that aloud is more for my own sake. Looking into his eyes I just knew it wasn't something that he felt he had to do, but in some strange way wanted to do. I could hear the sincerity in his voice, and feel it in his touch.

Something in our relationship changed that night. I don't know what, but I know that something did. What I do know is that it made me love him just a little bit more. Trust him more explicitly. Want him in my life just a bit more badly.

So the price of that freedom is a little bit of worry, and the strengthening in the relationship, a perceptible change that will forever effect the story we're writing together.