I was evil. I can not believe how utterly and completely blind I was to how incredible he was. How good he was for me. How sweet, how gentle, how sexually charged and chemistryriffic he was. All of the things that I love about him now (Yes, I said love. Take a moment, revel in it.) I could have been loving about him then. But instead I was stupid, and that isn't an excuse for what happened between us. Ugh, I repeat. EVIL.
Reading his words I can see his smile. The cute one he gets now when he's flirting with me. I can see his confusion reflecting in his eyes when I got rambley via email. I can see the way his mouth turns into a dirty little smirk when he's thinking naughty thoughts, cuz even then there was the chemistry, sexually, that is so incredible now. I can see his hands clenching just a little when he's frustrated with me. And I can see that smile, yes, his adorable perfectly Chief smile. All of these things come through in his words and I smile, and then run through about a hundred thousand other emotions.
I'm smiling. But I've got tears welling up in my eyes because I'm feeling heartbroken. I can feel my jaw tense because I am so livid with myself for the stupid girl I was 6 years ago. I want to scream and yell and hit things. I want to bury my head into his shoulder and cry and let him just hold me, probably completely confused as to why I'm crying (Which I will explain away as merely being a part of the genetic makeup that is Girl). I want to wrap my hands in his hair and tangle my feet with his, breathing in his kiss like there is no oxygen left in the universe, like he is my life line, my anchor, my strong hold.
All of these things from opening an email inbox, like a time capsule, holding all of these memories.
Taking a trip down memory lane should be completely free, it shouldn't be so bloody expensive. I need a damn London Fog.
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