Weddings and Hotels: .x0x.

There is something utterly and completely romantic about weekend getaway's.

Having the Chief to myself this weekend was one of the most incredible and amazing experiences. I can't believe how much I miss him now that he's gone, and how badly I want to go back to the weekend.

Firstly, I admit to being a girl. I love weddings. I love the romance, and the fairy-tale quality of watching two people in love make that kind of commitment to one another. Listening to the readings makes you remember how important your own loved ones are. As the Bride and Groom make their vows to one another, and their eyes get teary, their voices struggle with emotion, you can't help but affirm your own love for your partner. Mhmm, girls are kinda ridiculous like that. Weddings make us all mushy and romantic and dreamy. Or at least that's how they make me feel in that moment. And I loved having the Chief sitting beside me, holding my hand, as we watched the whole thing take place. I loved the feel of his hand in mine, even though he was completely not happy being there. He's such a trooper. Trust me, he was rewarded justly for his presence, even if it is bribery to get him to stay there to start with...

Later that night, after the reception and back at the hotel, in the afterglow of all things sexual we laid in our bed for a long time. Just talking and laughing, and being playful. We were being completely silly, and ridiculous. Joking around and flirting with each other. He makes me smile till my face hurts. And he makes me giggle, like really truly giggle. I can't even pinpoint the things we talked about, all I know is that I never stopped smiling. And all the while we never let go of one another. Our hands, or bodies are intertwined. Our toes are touching. And I love the way it feels to be there with him in that moment. To get lost and forget about life, and work, and school, and time and just BE with him, and only him.

Laying my head on his chest and listening to his heart beating, and the softness of his breath as he slowly lets his body finally fall asleep I'm reminded of all the little things that make life worthwhile. Feeling the warmth of his body as we're all curled up I know that there will never be a place in the world that I will ever want to be more than I want to be in his arms. And it terrifies me and thrills me and makes me so incredibly happy to admit that with him, I am home. I am where I belong when I am holding his hands tightly in mine. And I imagine that through the moments of heated argument, and broken hearted sorrow that his hand will continue to be my anchor in the turmoil that can be life. That when I can't find words, and all I want to do is break into tears that his hands will hold me while I cry, wipe away the sadness and  pull me through. And those hands will make me moan in pleasure, giggle at the clumsy moments, and smile at the warmth and strength I find in them. Those big, calloused working hands make me feel that with him I belong.

This was the first night that the Chief and I have ever been able to sleep through the night. There was no enforced 4 AM wake up and leave. There was no alarm beeping, and getting dressed and leaving. There was no having to fall back asleep alone and cold in the dark without him. We were allowed to fall asleep, and REALLY sleep together for the first time. We were able to wake up of our own accord, side by side, and get up and start our day together for the first time. And we all know how very, very much I love firsts. I have never been happier than the moment I woke up laying next to him, with the sunlight filtering through the curtains and shining on his cheek, making his red hair sparkle. I think that maybe, just maybe, that's what being in love looks like. I didn't want to move, or breathe for fear that I would wake him up and the spell would be broken. That we would have to wake up, and check out and go home to our separate lives of only seeing each other one night a week. I wanted to lay there forever, just listening to the sound of his breathing. To feel the heat radiating off his body, and curl up tighter to him.. but sometimes waking up isn't leaving the dream behind, but realizing that the world is just as perfect. Seeing the sleepy smile cross his lips as he realized that we were still together and the sun was shining was so amazing. Being able to watch him shower, and brush his teeth and do all those mundane morning things was so strangely intimate- I was so taken aback by how much I loved watching him do these small silly things. It must really be love hey? I know. I'm absurd sometimes.

On the car ride home, our favourite football team was playing in the finals. With the radio cranked I curled into his body, wrapped up in my jacket and fell asleep on his shoulder. I could feel his head leaning against mine. I could feel when he'd occasionally lean down and kiss my forehead, not realizing I was conscious enough to notice. I snuggled closer, wanting to press myself right into him, and be nestled so much closer. And he was so warm, and so afraid of waking me up. He was so gentle and careful with his movements, trying to be still, and not to wake me. Little things like this are what make me love him more and more every moment.

I told him once during an incredibly intense and hard conversation that I would love him just as much 50 years down the road as I did just that very moment. And I hate admitting this, but I think I was lying to him. Every day I love him a little bit more than I did the day before. And tomorrow I think I'll love him a little more than I did today. And 50 years from now I'll still love him, but all the more for those little shared moments- like forehead kisses, and trying to let me sleep even though it's bumpy as hell in a car down dirt roads. I'll love him for the fights we managed to get through. For the tears that have been shed, and overcome. For the hurts that have been healed. For the laughter and the smiles that crinkle my face and make his eyes sparkle. For the surprises that catch us off balance and throw us off guard. And most importantly I'll love him all the more because I've gotten the chance to be there to experience it all with him...

Getting home, and watching him pack his stuff into his car and drive away damn near broke my heart. Knowing that the weekend was over and it was time to go back to our separate lives was hard to accept. But I loved sharing hours, and hours and hours with just him. Getting to be with him. So I texted him a thank you, letting him know just how much it meant to me to have him go with me that weekend, and how much I loved his company.

I flip open my phone to read his texted reply:

"Made me fall even more in love with you haha... if that's even possible...".

It's possible. I feel exactly the same.